


But What If

by thatoneperson0000



Category: The Misfits (Podcast), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, two dumb idiots figuring shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 21:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20459894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatoneperson0000/pseuds/thatoneperson0000
Summary: "You know, I think I like you."Eric stiffened, straightening up an inch, but not enough to be noticeable.





	1. To: Cam

**Author's Note:**

> In which Eric slowly realizes a few things about himself concerning Cam

**Important note: **So this is BASED OFF of real ppl, but I no way in hell want to assume anything about their irl selves. So, this'll be set in an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, and the characters depicted are basically just personas of them. 

Also pls don't read this on livestream or video to whomever is reading. I know I posted this online, but I intend this to be for mainly for fans, and I'll feel uncomfortable. But anyways, enjoy this depressing piece! :) 

**Warnings**: Internalized homophobia, drug use, vape, alcohol, first time writing PG13+ stuff so spare me

Note: I'm going to use Eric for Swagger's name for this fic irl, and Swagger for Youtube stuff.

_Also, I know I should update my other Misfits fic, but OOF I swear I will_

* * *

Eric's always admired Cam, despite him denying anything about that to anybody who thinks that exact fact. He was a charismatic guy, a good person--despite everything that runs out of his mouth--and was, honestly, very good-looking. 

It's not as if he was insecure about himself--he'd gone half naked in Mason's stream once, for heaven's sake--but he'd sort of been unconsciously looking at Cam as an example. He wasn't ugly, either; he liked his security and anonymity, which is why he always has his helmet on in videos. 

It was just a small admiration for the man who'd grown to be a close friend of his over the years they've done Youtube together, nothing more. 

"SUCK MY COCK BITCH!" Swagger yelled, clutching a round in CG:GO. "HELL YEAH! I'M SO SKILLED!"

"Um, sir, toxicity is not allowed on this server--" Fitz joked, joining in.

"FUCK YOU!"

"Sir, that is not allowed, please stop--"

"I will _FUCK _your ass bitch."

"Not before I do it first," Kryoz added.

"Alright guys, this is getting a bit gay," Fitz replied, laughing lightly as the others in the recording session joined in. 

Eric took off his headphones, hitting the "end recording" button and relaxing back against his chair. He took out a vape, breathing in a bit before rubbing his eyes.

Everyone in the discord had already left, leaving just him and Cam. A thin circle of green appeared behind Cam's current discord profile picture, leading Eric to put his headphones back on.

"--so it's just us here," Cam said. "I forgot to say this earlier, but I'm coming over to visit tomorrow."

"MM, alright," Eric replied. 

"So...are you going to be doing anything else today?" 

"I'm going to get high as fuck," Eric replied, looking up at the ceiling. "And then I'm gonna stream a VR horror game."

"Mhm," Cam hummed. "You want me to get anything when I come tomorrow? Food or drink wise?"

"That one pack of beer we got from last year's trip to the mountains that you said was really good," Eric replied as he massaged his stiff neck. 

"You remember that?"

"Yeah," Eric said. "Also, get cheezels 'cause that shit's good."

"I didn't know you liked that?" 

"Well now you know." 

They chatted for a bit more, before closing the call. Eric cracked his knuckles, before rising out of the chair to head downstairs in the shared house. 

"There's leftovers in the fridge," Matt said as he came down, pointing over his shoulder as he relaxed in the sofa. "Feel free to take some, since we'll probably have to throw it out soon."

"Alright," Eric replied, walking over to check. He was a bit hungry, but since he didn't feel like eating at the moment, he decided not to. 

"By the way, Cam's coming over tomorrow," Eric called over his shoulder. 

"Got it," Matt replied, still looking at his phone.

* * *

"Hey, what's up!" Cam exclaimed as he came through, grasping Eric's hand to pull him into a shoulder bump, patting his back. "How's it going?" There was a bit of a tingle from the touch, but it was small enough to be ignored easily. 

"Fucking awful," Eric replied instantly, laughing a bit. "I couldn't fucking sleep at all last night, so I just looked at my twitter for three hours." 

"That sucks man," Cam replied, looking at him sympathetically. "Can relate. I usually just read though."

"Books are gay."

"What a compelling argument."

Toby and Matt walked out of their rooms after hearing the commotion, while Mason--Eric assumed--stayed in his room to get more sleep. 

"Welcome back cunt," Toby said jokingly as he and Cam hugged. They were more friendly with each other, as they'd been friends since high school. Matt gave a slight hug to Cam as well, greeting him as well.

* * *

Cam and Eric decided to chill on the couches upstairs when night time came, a pack of beer and cheezels between them on the table. They had been talking and drinking for a while, catching up since the last time they've talked face-to-face, and about current news as well.

Eric was getting a bit drunk after a few drinks, and he could tell Cam was too from the redness of his face and the slurring. Cam was also leaning a bit on him, the closeness a bit uncomfortable for Eric but nothing really that new.

"And then I....I accidentally fell on..." Cam rambled on, stopping to pause every few seconds to think about his words. Eric tuned him out a bit, his eyes drooping.

"You know, I think I like you."

Eric stiffened, straightening up an inch, but not enough to be noticeable. Did he hear Cam right?

"I mean, it's definitely not a platonic feeling..." 

Wait, Cam was the straightest guy he'd probably ever met. He's probably just confused about things, maybe. _ ...Maybe?_

"Huh?" Eric asked, pretending not to hear anything. "What'd you say?"

"Mmm," Cam hummed, falling asleep against Eric.

Eric swallowed heavily, moving Cam's head away from his shoulder. 

* * *

"--this is so fucking gay," Mason's voice floated in through a throbbing fog of pain. Eric's eyes cracked open slowly, seeing the sunlight flitting through the wide windows of the house. 

"How cute," Matt replied jokingly.

Eric rubbed his eyes, shifting when he felt Cam's weight against his shoulder and body. There was an uncomfortable feeling in his gut as he moved Cam's body away from his gently.

"Don't ever fucking talk about this again," Eric threatened.

Toby opened the gallery app on his phone, showing Eric the picture. 

He and Cam were leaning against each other on the couch, bottles and bags still strewn on the table, as sunlight covered the both of them in an ethereal glow. They actually looked...at peace, as if the stress of their jobs wasn't present for once--and as if they hadn't gone to sleep completely fucked up and drunk. 

"Too late bitch," Toby cackled as Eric lunged for him. "Keep him back!"

"Fucking delete that!" Eric yelled.

"I gotchu!" Mason yelled, tackling Eric down on the floor as Eric screamed, "AHHH! WHAT THE FUCK!" Matt just stood there, amused.

"What the fuck is going on?" Cam asked, looking over at the two wrestling on the floor. "First thing in the morning I wake up to is this."

Toby showed him the picture.

Cam looked at him slowly.

"Send it to me later."

* * *

Cam visited a lot more during the month; sometimes he brought snacks, but usually he'd just come with him and the clothes on his back. Eric had moved the matter of him drunk-confessing to him to the back of his mind, although sometimes he still thought about it.

Eric was chilling on the couch with Toby nearby, when Cam sat down right next to Eric. His shoulder brushed Eric's arm, and Eric shuddered--not exactly in disgust, but a mixture of conflicting emotions.

A part of him wanted to keep his arm there, but he moved it away anyway. He wasn't fucking gay. 

"What're you looking at?" Cam asked, peeking over at Eric's phone. 

"Dumbass life hacks," Eric snorted, showing him the Youtube video he was currently watching. Cam took the phone, his fingers covering over Eric's. Eric twitched.

"Who the fuck would ever do this kind of shit," Cam replied, watching the lady on the screen pour skittles into an eraser sharpener. 

Eric went to move his hand out of Cam's, but he decided halfway through to let it remain there. It was too much trouble. He looked up at Cam, who looked slightly disappointed for a second before he laughed at another useless life hack.

"What the fuck," Eric commented, watching videos with Cam. At some point, he noticed Cam sneak a peek at Toby, who winked at Cam before looking down at his phone. 

Cam put an arm around Eric--he probably intended it to be as friends--but Eric felt his chest tighten. 

_I really need to get a fucking girlfriend. _

* * *

**Hardcore Minecraft with SwaggerSouls**

Twitch (2 PM) Live

"FITZ, look out!" Swagger yelled as a creeper landed right next to Fitz in the caves.

"HOLY SHIT!" Fitz screamed as his character ran away from the creature. "DON'T EXPLODE, PLEASE DON'T EXPLODE--"

"get back bitch," Swagger said as he whipped out his iron sword to fight it off. It exploded instead, almost killing him.

"That was an absolute shit fight," Fitz commented, before changing his voice to raise an extra octave. "I mean, thank you sir! I could never thank you enough!"

"Damn right, after I almost fucking died saving your ass," Swagger replied, eating a steak.

"You have such _amazing _fighting skills!" Fitz continued in his "girl" imitation, although it was said sarcastically.

"Fuck you," Swagger said, laughing, but he couldn't help but dwell on a thought. 

_If only Fitz was a girl._

Chat: 

KingTitanium: do you guys also think it feels a bit more awkward than last stream?

xX_martha_Xx: i mean, I didn't notice anything

PopeFrancisco: no??

NumberoaI: a bit, did something happen?

DrPueple: gay

cvjnirsu: fuck off

JalParkIk: y'all are overthinking things

* * *

Eric breathed in his vape, exhaling and letting the vapor go into the atmosphere. He was on the balcony, looking out into the sunset.

"Hey what's up," Cam said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Eric jumped slightly.

"SHIT you fucking scared me," Eric replied, putting a hand on his heart for a split second. "Jeez, you don't make any sound at all."

"I felt like I was loud enough," Cam said lightheartedly, standing next to Eric. From his viewpoint, he could really see how tall Cam was--he had to crane his neck up to see the man. 

Cam was really good-looking--his droopy doe eyes made him look fucking adorable, and he had large-ass lips as well. His features were something to be appreciated, and if Eric was gay, he'd definitely bang him.

"You like what you see?" Cam asked, waggling his eyebrows when he noticed Eric craning up to stare at him.

"Fuck no," Eric instantly retorted lightheartedly, looking back at the sun setting quickly. He felt Cam's eyes linger on him. 

"So um," Cam started before hesitating. "I actually like you. _Romantically_. Not platonically."

Eric stiffened for a second, closing his eyes before turning to look at Cam slowly. 

"This isn't a joke?" Eric asked bluntly.

"No?"

He folded his arms over the railing he was leaning on, twiddling his hands. He thought about his answer for a bit, the tension become palatable, before he answered. 

"Is it alright if I think it over?"

"Uh...yeah sure, take as much time as you want," Cam replied, eyes looking both disappointed and hopeful.

Eric l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ hated those fucking eyes.


	2. From: Eric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might make up a few things bear with me pls

They continued on as normal. Eric made no mention of Cam's confession, nor did Cam ever talk about it. They still called each other, and recorded, but unlike before, Eric was uncomfortable whenever a gay joke concerning him came up. 

"Who's this bitch?" Eric commented as he looked through his messages. Apparently, some famous female streamer was hitting him up for a collab, since they were already pretty friendly with Toby. 

_Why not? _Eric thought, opening the message. She was pretty hot, after all.

There was a guilty feeling in his gut for some reason.   
  
  


**CS:GO With (Insert Random Name; I'll call her Martha for now)**

Twitch (1 PM) Live

"Come on, you got this," Swagger encouraged, whole team watching as Martha killed another person in the round. "Wreck their fucking faces."

"This is stressing me out," Martha commented, picking up another gun.

"Then don't get stressed out," Swagger replied, smug-sounding. 

"Useful advice," she replied, giggling.

She ended up clutching, as Swagger yelled "LET'S FUCKIN' GO!" at the end. 

Chat:

Just_Santa: they have a really great dynamic

DangerFire8: fuck her

kingofforks: get together already

sansundertale: she's hot

saleu: i ship it

asdbe: just fuck her already

hoLdmYbReaD: rip Bee

* * *

The next time Eric saw Cam, it had been about a month since his confession, and a few days after his streaming with Martha. Cam mainly hung out with Toby and Mason that day, so Eric was editing in his room when he heard the door creak open.

"Yeah?" Eric called out, eyes still on the computer screen.

There was no answer, but the creaking of the bed indicated someone had sat onto it. This time, Eric took off his headphones and looked back to see Cam.

"You want something?" Eric asked, indicating at his screen.

"Nah mate," Cam said casually, before dropping a "if you wanted to reject me, you could've told me you know."

"..huh?" Eric said, suddenly stiff as a board. He was still deciding if his emotions leaned one way or another, so he had stuffed the memory to the back of his mind.

"I mean, I wouldn't have been too upset if you'd just said you didn't like me...that way, I would know for sure," Cam repeated. 

The words _I'm not gay _ died on Eric's tongue, leaving everything tasting bitter in his mouth. He stayed silent, before looking back at Cam who had an upset look in his eyes.

"Alright keep silent then," he said, getting up and leaving the room. Faintly, he heard Toby ask what was wrong, but Cam shoved him off. 

Eric felt his gut churn with an indiscernible feeling. 

* * *

"When are you punks-ass bitches ready?" Matt's yell traveled throughout the house.

"WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!" Eric yelled back, finishing putting on his black jeans and nail polish.

"Almost done!" Mason's voice echoed against him.

They were planning to go out to the club tonight, just Jay, Matt, Cam, Toby, Mason, and Eric. Once everybody was assembled, they shuffled into Toby's van--Toby himself clambered into the driving seat. 

"Are you ready kids?" Toby asked in the Spongebob captain's voice, turning around to see the whole crew.

"I don't know, I'm pretty sure Mason is too young to be coming with us," Cam joked, turning to look at said person. Mason flipped him off, saying "and you only came back after 20 years, but do you hear me complaining about that cunt?" 

"Why am I even here," Jay commented, rolling his eyes.   
  
  
  


The club was blasting EDM music, while the pouring of drinks could be heard from where the bartender was at. Bodies moved against one another, high in the energy of the party and music, as others drunkenly swayed.

"Why is the music so fucking loud?" Eric complained, the music drumming in his ears. He didn't exactly felt like in the partying mood, with Cam avoiding him and all. He hadn't meant to stay silent--but he was still trying to figure himself out. 

He just didn't know how to explain himself to Cam.

"I think it's fine," Mason replied, looking around. They decided to sit at various places, with Eric sitting right next to Mason and Toby--who signaled at the bartender to order. They each got their drinks, until a girl hit on Mason and he left with her.

"So....anything happen between you and Cam?" Toby asked as Eric was drinking from his cup--who almost choked right then and there. 

"Huh?" Eric spluttered, flustered. 

"So something did," Toby said, leaning his cheek on one hand. "You guys haven't even looked at each other's eyes this whole time."

"The fuck you mean?" Eric grunted, cheeks burning. 

"Well....I'll just ask this bluntly: do you like Cam?" Toby inquired, lazily sipping his drink. 

A pause.

"I'm not sure," Eric said, after serious consideration. "I thought I wasn't gay, but with Cam--it definitely doesn't feel like I want to only consider him a friend. I'm not sure if I actually fucking like him, or if it's just admiration."

"Look over there, then tell me how you feel," Toby replied, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. Cam, who was sitting a few seats away, was visited by a pretty girl who flitted around him, laughing a bit. He laughed in response, and the girl took the chance to touch Cam's shoulder.

_Bitch doesn't have a chance with him_, Eric found himself thinking bitterly. He watched a little longer, seeing Cam leave with her on the dance floor. 

_What am I thinking? The girl didn't do shit wrong, _he thought again, revising his earlier statement. He should be happy for Cam, but...he just wasn't. 

Toby gave him a knowing look. 

* * *

"Hey, what's up?" Cam asked, looking over his shoulder as Eric surfed the internet on his phone in the living room. 

Eric, surprised, looked up and replied with, "just looking through twitter. Uh, you want anything?" 

"Nah mate," Cam said, laughing lightly. "Just checking up a bit." 

Eric was slightly confused. Cam was acting like himself even after that--was he the one overthinking things? Was this whole thing a joke?

It wasn't as awkward as Eric thought the situation would've been. They got back into old routines, bantering back and forth like an old married couple as always--but there was still somewhat of a hesitance in Cam's tone when he joked around with Eric.

It didn't feel the same--and there was something about this whole thing that made Eric feel unsettled, as if his gut was telling him to do something about it. 

He found himself staring at a picture of Cam and him for a straight twenty minutes, thinking, before he yelled in frustration and buried his face in his hands. 

* * *

"So what do you need?" Toby asked, twirling around in his chair to turn face-to-face with Eric as he swaggered into the room. 

Eric cleared his throat, sitting on the bed before saying, "well, you probably already know this, but...I'm pretty sure I like Cam."

"Mm," Toby hummed, looking at him seriously. 

"Uhh, but Cam confessed to me a couple weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I rejected him," Eric continued, looking down at his hands clasped together on his lap. 

"So...are you going to talk to him about it?" Toby asked.

"I mean...yeah, I'll have to because I've got a shit ton to explain," Eric confessed. "I've never...you know, had _feelings _for a guy. 'Specially a close friend of mine."

"You better do it soon then," Toby warned, before his eyes softened. "He still likes you, you know."

"I know," Eric said, pausing. "Thanks for listening."

"You're welcome, cunt. Now go get your man already, I'm tired of listening to him mope." 

* * *

"Manager Ryan actually bought more edibles for us, so let's get fucked," Eric said, putting a bag onto the kitchen counter. 

* * *

It was starting to get a bit blurry, as the lights pulsed slowly and brightly in the back of the room. The room was getting hot, so he'd shed his jacket, feeling the high creep up throughout his body. 

There were voices everywhere, laughs and murmurs distinct through the haze. Eric's heart was beating erratically, seeing Cam's blurry face grin next to him, face and body relaxed from the high of drugs.

Some compulsion rose up within him, and maybe if he was sober he wouldn't have done it, but Eric was high off his ass. Throwing all caution to the wind, his hand rose up to touch meet Cam's face, before he leaned in to kiss him.

Cam reciprocated instantly, kissing him back deeply. Their mouths moved against each other, as Cam pulled Eric onto his lap, hand on his hip. Eric tugged on his wrist, pushing him down as he straddled Cam's thighs, leaning down again to mouth at Cam's neck.

Cam put his hands on Eric's hips, before one moved up under Eric's shirt. Eric could only faintly feel what was happening, the heat taking over his senses and conscience, but he could feel Cam's fingertips as he explored the map of his body. It was getting way too hot in the room; there was a burning feeling and a spark every time Cam touched him.

Suddenly, Cam stiffened, pulling away.

"Wait," he said, face red and hair messy. "Eric, you're drunk."

"And your point?" Eric replied, leaning back on his haunches. 

"We're not continuing," Cam said bluntly, running a hand through his hair. "If you still want to kiss me while you're sober, then we can talk." 

He gently rolled Eric off of him--who blearily looked at him--and laid down on the other side of the bed. Eric didn't really feel what was happening, but went to sleep eventually. 

* * *

Eric woke up.

He blinked slowly, feeling a something solid draped across him. He looked around, seeing Cam sleep soundly around him. His arm was around Eric's waist, while their legs were tangled together.

The memories of last night came rushing back to him, and he groaned quietly. He didn't regret his actions, of course, just that he did all that while he was high off his ass--which meant he was more forward than when he was sober.

Eric wiggled a bit out of Cam's grasp, the top half of his body upright. He watched Cam sleep for a couple more seconds--he wasn't trying to be creepy, he swore--before deciding to pet Cam's hair and play around with it. 

Cam shifted, groaning a bit suddenly--Eric froze in his actions. Then Cam opened his eyes and met Eric's eyes, before pursing his lips. 

"Sooo....you wanna talk finally? About us?"

"Yeah," Eric replied, mind made up. "Yeah, I owe you that much." 

Cam raised an eyebrow, questioning.

"Uhh, this is going to be hard to explain," Eric started. "But I--this is the first time I've ever liked a guy. So uh, when you confessed to me, I was still figuring things out--but I think I already started liking you before that, I just never realized."

He took a deep breath.

"So...I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that," Eric apologized, throat tight. He wasn't used to saying those words, being the selfish bastard he was--but Cam deserved it. "I never gave you a response to what you said a few weeks ago, so I'm going to confirm it: I like you."

Cam was silent for a moment, before sighing.

"Fuck, I thought you didn't like me."

"Yeah, my apologies," Eric replied, ducking his head. 

"But better late than never," Cam finished, smile faintly appearing on his tired face. "You're okay with dating?"

"I just fucking told you I like you," Eric snorted, lightly hitting Cam on the arm. Cam laughed a bit, before ducking his head down to kiss Eric again. 

* * *

"We're fucking," Eric announced to the crew, indicating between himself and Cam. 

"Well, no we haven't, but if that's an invitation--" Cam started.

"Don't push it."

"Well, I'm actually not surprised," Matt declared, shrugging. Toby grinned at that, agreeing. 

"SO I'm the only one who's actually surprised?!" Mason yelled, putting his hands out in front of him in a bewildered manner. A chorus of "yes's" came back at him, and Mason sighed.

Eric felt someone's hand come down his wrist, then link their fingers with Eric's. He looked up to see Cam, who was smiling gently in reassurance and comfort. 

Eric squeezed Cam's hand, smiling back. 


End file.
